


On Issues of Metaphysical Consent

by thefrogg



Series: Metaphysical Engineering [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 12:04:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrogg/pseuds/thefrogg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilery explanation of consent issues (or rather, more importantly the lack thereof) in But Magic By Another Name.</p>
<p>Information that will show up in future chapters of the story, but because of possible issues, posting this now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Issues of Metaphysical Consent

There's been some concern about consent issues between Steve and Tony in chapter 3, compounded by Clint's statement in chapter 8 that Steve wouldn't take no for an answer. I wanted to address those - and explain why I don't believe that there _are_ issues of consent, within the bounds of what consent would be in-universe.

I had hoped that there was enough material written thus far for consent not be an issue. Since there has been some concern raised, I'll go ahead and explain my reasoning. Most, if not all of this will be in coming chapters, so this is very very spoilery. Just a warning.

1\. Tony is not a civilian.

He may not be considered military, or police, or whatever, but he is not a civilian. He is Iron Man. He is publicly known as Iron Man. He is on call to assist first responders, for disaster relief (as Iron Man, not just a check book large enough to finance relief efforts), etc. He throws himself in harm's way to protect the public and those he cares for (especially those he cares for) whether he's asked to or not.

He cannot be categorized as a civilian, and cannot expect to follow civilian etiquette with regard to metaphysical access.

For military, law enforcement, first responders, people in dangerous jobs that work in established units, it is standard within that unit to have familiarity with one another's mindscapes. It is not out of line for the team - particularly Steve, as team commander - to want and even expect it, especially since all of them (except for Clint) thought Tony was another Dom. 

Steve even points this out, explicitely, at the end of Chapter 3:

_"I wouldn't be asking if you weren't an Avenger. If you--" Steve can't continue, and drops his gaze to the remains of his sandwich again, starting to pick bits of bread and lettuce from between his fingers._

2\. Tony gave Steve permission to ask.

Tony didn't so much say no as not give the team a chance to offer familiarity - the _civilian_ etiquette for asking permission. It bothered Steve to the point it affected their friendship, and Tony recognized Steve's damage enough to call him on it.

Tony wasn't able to give Steve what he wanted - that metaphysical familiarity - but he _did_ give Steve permission to ask, so long as Steve understood the answer would be no.

End of Chapter 2:

_"I. I'm sorry, I can't. I have to ask."_

_"As long as you understand the answer's going to be no." Because it's all Tony can give._

3\. The request and refusal became an expected part of their friendship.

Like Steve and Bucky's call and response of "punk" "jerk" or Sam and Dean Winchesters' of "bitch" "jerk" from Supernatural, it became a reassurance that Steve still wanted Tony to be more a part of the team than he already was. Reassurance that he wasn't just a pocketbook, or their weaponsmith, more than simply tolerated. Stopping, once Steve had been given permission to ask, would have fed into Tony's insecurity and been read as a rejection.

4\. Metaphysical familiarity became the holy grail of trust.

Steve is entirely aware that Tony has trust issues. It's one of the hallmarks of the team - everyone has trust issues. Tony's the last holdout, and hasn't given any explanation for refusal. Steve wants Tony's trust, wants to earn more than just his trust as a field commander, as a (close) friend, and giving up - or tresspassing given the expected and agreed upon refusal - is not an option.

Not that tresspassing would _ever_ be an option for Steve, but this is _Tony_ we're talking about.

5\. There was no threat of consequences if Tony refused.

Steve asked because he had permission to ask. Because Tony's an Avenger. Because Steve wants Tony to trust him enough to allow him that close. He fully expected to be refused, and there was no threat of consequences - other than being asked again in the future - should Tony say no.

6\. Tony made a choice. A shitty choice, but a choice, nonetheless.

True, Tony didn't say yes in the face of new information - he hadn't known that Bucky could, possibly, have survived the fall. He could not say yes - yes would mean he was capable of bonding, and he was pretty sure he wasn't at the time. Yes would mean he's ready for more than just familiarity, because granting access for familiarity would lead to a bond attempt he couldn't control.

The fact that Tony changed his mind - as much as he could, knowing that he was almost undoubtedly incapable of completing the bond - was so unexpected that he had to explain that he wasn't saying no, that he couldn't give Steve what he wanted:

_"I can't give you the kind of familiarity you want."_

_There's a weighty silence, and then Steve stiffens in realization before he looks up. "You--"_

_I'm not saying no, Steve, I'm saying **I can't give you what you want."**_

And he initiated the bond attempt:

_Tony waits, silent, watching as anxious hope and nerves turn Steve's breath into tiny hitches of broad shoulders. "Here, give me your hand," he says, stretching one of his own out and wiggling his fingers as Steve turns away from the sink._

~~~

Did Steve's telling Tony about Bucky influence Tony's choice as to when to change his mind? Yes, but only because Tony had healed to a point Tony was certain enough of his own survival. If Steve had told Tony about Bucky before then, Tony would still have said no. Tony changing his mind was always going to happen. Steve didn't force it, and wasn't trying to do anything more than give Tony more information than what he'd already had as to his own personal experience.

I hope this clears up the consent issues.


End file.
